"Sizzlin' Southwest Summer Tour" journals, 1999

August 10, 1999 Tuesday
The Animal Liberation Orchestra Sizzzzlin' Southwest Summer Tour kick off at Mick's Lounge in San Francisco. Special guests Mood Food performed first and then ALO. Debut of the Jenstar Productions on-site DAT recording rig. Band meeting followed: millenium song, what-to-brings, rental van, post-show analysis, etc.. Fealdt Productions makes the final cuts for band audio-visual specialist and notifies Miguel de San Francisco.

August 11, 1999 Wednesday
Band errands: packing, run out to Mojo's in Petaluma for a new Batt-man, so long EPA, so long Fillmore, so long Mission, so long Richmond. Recording session in Oakland. ALO contributes a bluegrass version of the Magnum Family classic, New Arrivals. Due to delayed arrivals at the studio, the session becomes an on-the-spot arrangement with two-takes through the song. Pick up the 15 passenger van, double back to San Francisco for CD supply, meet up in Pleasant Hill at Dahm headquarters, pack "The Grey Ghost", prioritize and leave behind various items, amplifiers, and guitars due to limitted space, add recording techniques book and new keyboard stand to the inventory compliments of Will, and eventually hit the road at 11pm, eastbound on the 80 (check lagmusic calendar for original ETD).

PERSONNEL:

Name: Hi String
Age: 24
Title: Lutherie theorist
Background: Guitar Hospital, School of the Boople Graduate
Specialties: Diagnostics, fiscal affairs, alchemy
Quote: "I'm tired of all these games."

Name: Ivory
Age: 24
Title: Key presser
Background: Leader of song and dance
Specialties: Master of masquerade and "zaching"
Quote: "That's bullshit. You need to start looking with your heart."

Name: Lo String
Age: 24
Title: Copyist
Background: 100% bass catcher
Specialties: Translation, wedding coordinator, tetris master

Name: The Flesh
Age: 23
Title: Audio-visual specialist, Arbiter Bibendi
Background: Hacker
Specialties: Word play, electric trianglist, safe erotic asphyxiation
Quote: "Can you take it without the flash? Boulder?? I didn't even touch her!"

Name: Thumper
Age: 27
Title: Keeper of time
Background: Ex-priest, copy editor, archivist's assistant
Specialties: Recitation, the "libra" balance, massage
Quote: "Why so many questions? I'm listening to Hall & Oats and drinking hot chocolate."

Name: Baroness
Age: 23
Title: Contact conductor
Background: World Resource coordination
Specialties: Files managing, name keeping, smiles

Name: Wheels
Age: 20
Title: Advanced multi-specialist
Background: Speed Racer trivia
Specialties: Compassing, shape-shifting, cardial telepathy
Quote: "Time is an illusion, it doesn't really exist. We, being creatures of limited linear perception, perceive time as a stream, but it's not. It�s a pond. It ripples, it rolls, it flows."

August 12, 1999 Thursday
So the date turns over at midnight, not affecting the passengers in the Grey Ghost. Focused, anxious, excited. Accordingly, Wheels is in the driver's seat. We head east into the night. Tahoe, Truckee, Reno. A stop at the Silver Legacy, trying our luck with supposedly the "loosest slots in town". Hi string takes over for Wheels, warning him of the low parking garage ceilings. A stop at Denny's for a late dinner.

"So three guys check into a hotel room that costs $30. They each pay $10 and check in. The hotel manager decides that he overcharged them $5 and summons the bellhop to take the refund up to the room. As the bellhop is heading up to the room, he decides it would be difficult to divide the $5 into three so he pockets $2 and gives $1 back to each of the three guys. Since they originally paid $10 each and were then refunded $1 each, each guy ended up paying $9 each. If $9 X 3 is $27, and the bellhop pocketed $2, adding up to $29, what happened to the missing dollar? What happened to the missing dollar? What happened to the missing dollar?"

Night driving in Nevada. Sunrise. A morning stop somewhere in Eastern Nevada. The Baroness coordinates a postal drop with Lo String: full color tour posters to the destined venues, black and white tour posters to the local contacts, and the bulk postcard announcements to anyone in the southwest U.S. who ever signed the BLAG guestbook or any other type of mailing list the band prescribed. Gas and food and Ivory takes the driver's seat into Utah. A familiar gas stop hooks us up with free items: food, glasses, 100% Bass Catcher. The Flesh initiates the first group photo session. Impressed and pleased with the Flesh's professional conduct, Ivory and Wheels invent a dance on the spot to celebrate the obvious blessing. New friends Chris and Karen inform us of their travels to Reggae on the River and are looking for a couple miracles at Red Rocks for Phil and Friends. Back on the road. Lo String contacts wedding party for further instructions.

The Flesh takes the wheel. Salt Lake traffic just like we remembered it. Arrive at first gig of the tour: Border's Books in Provo, UT. The band dishes up a wonderful acoustic buffet via: piano, guitar, basses, and drum set, debuting Rusty Jon, Wind Up Dead, Reality Police, and a test run of the animal insurrection. Browse the books and music. Nice surprise to see old friend Zachary Gill's addition to the Fall issue of the Musician's Guide to Touring and Promotion, page 86. Back on the road. Arrive at the Alamo Bar for a nighttime performance for the Park City, UT locals. Wheels and the Flesh on the DAT recorder, the Baroness picks up some dinner, and the band strikes up the jam. Great night of dance and festivities. We hook up with Mark for a place to crash who reminds us that no matter how hard the times are, music will always bring you joy. While the Grey Ghost rests, Mark whispers the entourage to sleep.

August 13, 1999 Friday
We wake, shower, and hurriedly pack the van, being careful to avoid the pile of dogshit right outside of the side doors. Mark, our host, returns on his mountain bike from his early morning housepainting and shows off by riding full speed right up to the van and braking at the last second, sliding right up to Ivory- and right through the dogshit. Ahh shit! At least he finally got Dan and Steves' names straight. Finally ready to depart, we end up lagging in the van, just sitting discussing something for about ten minutes. Wheels finally takes the initiative, starts up the Grey Ghost and takes off. We realize something is not quite right at a stop sign about a quarter mile down the road when we hear a loud noise from the back of the van. We stop and theorize that the noise was the back door (obscured by all the gear packed in) slamming shut when we came to a stop. This theory is proven seconds later by the prescence of a trail of drum equipment on the road behind us. We reload and institute the mandatory back door check rule.

Back on the road to Boulder, through some amazing scenery in Wyoming. We stop at a rest stop for a frisbee session and some photos, and The Flesh picks a bouquet of prairie flowers and grasses. Lo String performs the Death of Utah Hank, a tragedy set at a roadside reststop on Interstate 80 on a warm sunny day in Wyoming. We stop in Green River for lunch at Pizza Hut, and our waitress confirms that the proper term for the people of her state is "Wyomingites". After lunch we gas up the Ghost and head down the street to the Mini Mart for supplies. "Suspicious van headed eastbound on I-80, leaving Green River". The Ghost is pulled over just before leaving town due to suspecting citizens and Wheels negotiates an understanding with the officer.

Boulder, CO. After a few jogs up and down the 36, we locate the Holiday Inn Express and reunite with our hostess Njala to discuss the wedding schedule. Next thought, food. We contact Thumper's friend just in from Columbus, OH. Toes will be the next addition to the ALO entourage. All together, we head down to Pearl Street. Toes informs us that busking is popular in this area. Hi string whispers to Ivory that Pearl Street might be the ideal place for part one of the Animal Liberation Insurection (a stage show that Ivory has been hoping to implement into ALO shows). They wander up and down Pearl Street looking for food but everything is either too expensive or closed. Eventually, we decide to treat ourselves to a late night shopping spree. Safeway provides us with a royal feast served up back at the Holiday Inn Express on Leehill, room 312. Showers, sleepers, and a full body group massage for Ivory. Ahhhhhenergy.

PERSONNEL ADDITIONS:

Name: Toes
Age: 31
Title: Senior ethics advisor
Background: Animal art, revolutions, water sports
Specialties: Choreography, balance, alternative medicine

August 14, 1999 Saturday, The Wedding Day.
We awoke at 7:00 am, to the sound of Lo String, crying. It seemed something awful had happened to his hands. A rare disease or just a simple chafe of the skin? He cheered up after we all showered. Together, of course. To save water. Really. By the way, KY appears to be excellent for skin disorders. By 8:30 we were checking out of the hotel, speaking with Njala the Elder and indulging in waffles, yogurt, bagels and jam, and fattening up our food supply with a dozen or so boxes of cereal from the hotel buffet. We followed Njala to the Lone Hawk Farm, just out side of Boulder in scenic Longmont, where the wedding was to take place. The rolling hillsides and the luscious vegetation made Ivory long for the country life. We suspect the goats also had something to do with his longing. Wheels and The Flesh set up the equipment while the band rehearsed some Arabic music for Njala the Younger's middle eastern cabaret dance set. They also reviewed Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring for the ceremony interlude and re-learned the Danish wedding waltz for the first dance. The guests began to arrive shortly after that, and before long it was time to head to the garden for the wedding. About this time we began to notice a number of people in the party communicating via sign language, as well as the presence of a sign interpreter.

Meanwhile, back at the barn, Wheels and The Flesh were just finishing setting up the P.A. The Flesh, having earlier removed his dress shirt to make the experience a bit cooler, modestly stepped outside of the barn so he could unbutton his pants and re-tuck his shirt away from the lustful eyes of the caterers. No sooner had he dropped trou than he noticed a young redhead running straight towards him. In a gown. Carrying a bouquet. The Bride herself. So much for modesty. No, it wasn't sudden desire for one last fling, she just didn't know her cue to begin walking into the ceremony. The Flesh (now fully tucked and zipped) assured her that the boys would begin the Wedding March as soon as she was in sight, and she was off, much relieved.

The Cup of Life was shared between Ahmal and Amberly and the two were pronounced married.

After the ceremony everyone headed up to the barn for drinks: wine, champagne, and home-brewed beer from one of the four kegs brewed by none other than Ahmal himself. The exquisite spread, prepared largely by Njala the Elder, included hummus, dolmas, lamb, spicy shrimp, pita, fresh salad and a whole table of baklava and other assorted Arabic sweets.

The room was strangely quiet considering the number of people present. Time to play. Billie's Bounce. An unforgettable version of Unforgettable. Various other standards. The set was underway. During a set break, Njala invited us to feast at the buffet. Bylaw #232 of ICOTM (international code of traveling musicians) states that "when rations are offered one must accept immediately due to the fact that one never knows when it will be present again". In accordance with this law, we indulged. The entertainment resumed with a cabaret set that featured Njala the Younger in full belly dancing attire. This was followed by Brude Val. A Danish wedding waltz at a Lebanese wedding? Into the dance set, but why is everyone so quiet? After a few tunes we were informed that half of the guests were deaf. Time to be visual. It's times like this when ALO's sense of reality pays off. It all started with the "bigger than life" cat's cradle that was realized with a 36 foot speaker cable. After a few more visuals came the finale. For this stunt the entire entourage plus a couple of volunteers were rounded up for a ten person human pyramid topped off with the Baroness waving the ALO banner.

Ahmal and Amberly say their goodbye's and thank you's and drive off in a classic old milk delivery-looking car. Stretch, frisbee, pack the Ghost, a quick game of medieval shoulder chicken war (Thumper on top of Wheels, Hi String on top of The Flesh, Lo String on top of Ivory, and Toes, who resorted to the lower butt pinch technique and steamed both Ivory and Lo String, on top of the Baroness) and we head back to Boulder. We pick the Mountain Sun Brewery on Pearl Street for a extremely satisfying dinner. After the food, we stop in at the Crystal Dragon for a browse through the sarong selection which happened to be discounted to an accomodating $9 a piece. Ivory and Lo String take their time picking just the right design while Hi String browses the Dragon searching for his niche. Proudly, Hi String finds great pleasure modeling the latest in Boudler Indian fashion. Thumper re-discovers the Singing Bowl. Herbal essences, cards, tapestries, jewlrey. Ivory and Lo String eventually pick out a collection of sarongs and we continue down Pearl Street. Thumper stresses the importance of rest and relaxation and proposes such an evening. All agree, but the street people swarming the downtown mall tempt Ivory and the Strings to try out the street version of the Animal Insurrection for the local Boulderites.

THE PEARL STREET ANIMAL INSURRECTION:

Name: Ratboy
Instrument: Doghouse bass
Achille's Heal: narcolepsy

Name: The Bug
Instrument: Pignose guitar
Inner perception: "I am the King Bee!! No, wait. You can call me Zizzy LeBooga!!!"

Name: Gnochithon
Instrument: Accordion
Defense tactic: The Desert Rose

Special guests: The ALO Dancers

Quote from Baroness: "I wasn't sure if it was gonna happen. It took roughly 25 hours on the cell phone with Rykodisc A&R man Jerry Mothersbaugh. but together, we were able to round up the original line-up of Devo and rehearse the steps using a rough mix of the One Size Fits All soundtrack recording down at the Boulder Dance Squad and Gym".

Quote from Hi String: "I thought Devo broke up!?".

Toes and Baroness lead the Animal Insurrectionites onto Pearl Street with the ALO banner flying high in front. Wheels and The Flesh add support on the wings. Ratboy, Zizzy, and Gnochithon creep out, instruments in hand, colorful sarongs tied around their naked bodies, spying the street mortals. The trio locates an appropriate spot to present the insurrection. Boommmm! Gnochithon raises his voice: "Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to stage one, the debut of the Animal Insurrection." Blasts from Zizzy and Ratboy back up Gnochi's introduction and thus, the insurrection spirals into a montage of bluegrass comedy, dance extravaganza, the disection of Ratboy and his courageous revival, spanish sing-alongs, and the baptism of Zizzy LeBooga. The street mortals instantly fall victim to the excitement and cannot help but dance in circles, scream in delight, sing along to the familiar, and yell out "I want to see Ratboy lay it down!! Come on Ratboy!". Three quarters way through the insurrection, the musicians are blown away by a surprise appearance from the CA-based ALO dancers, who make circles around Ratboy and harrass and molest Zizzy LeBooga. But they are returned the treatment when Zizzy chases them individually with his extended buzzzing insect nose. The crowd cheers as the animals fend off the aggressive dance troup. Hands throw money at the band and ten enthusiastic liberated mortals pick up the latest CD for sale. Afterwards, the trio refuels with fresh cold water, socializes with some of the locals, and walks off into the darkness.

August 15, 1999 Sunday
Sleep in at Jahnavi and Eric's on 6th and Concord, Thumper's friends from San Francisco. Thumper considerately carries Lo String to a bed out of the entrance way where he had fallen asleep. The group gradually awakens and motivates by foot into downtown Boulder for an all-you-can-eat Indian food buffet at Himalaya's. Mmmmmmm. At lunch, Thumper reunites with his first music teacher and long-time friend from Florida. We split up and meet back at the house. Some of us take Pearl Street back to the house, stopping along the way to check out the people: a Jamaican contortionist folding himself in half putting his body through a piece of tubing, and several one-man-band street musicians with amazing set-ups. Back at the house, the musicians spark up a jam: Ivory on the piano, Eric on a child's drum set, and The Flesh, The Strings, and Baroness on various percussion instruments (drums, shakers, cymbals). Thumper and his party return. Pack, goodbyes, a stop at Kinko's for more tour postcards, and on the road for Durango!

Vail, Breckinridge, Aspen. Beautiful scenary, mountains, rocks, cliffs. Aaahhhh. A stop just outside of Aspen (where the beer flows like wine) for groceries for the next day and a half. A gas station stop and an avocado delight compliments of Ivory. The cell phone brings Toes and Hollie together to discuss the Animas river rafting trip. Hollie warns us of the 550: "If you cross the yellow line, you will surely DIE! DIE! DIE!" Hollie's pyshic premonition convince us to stop and camp in Ridgeway State Park, friendly to "steep drops". Upon entering the park, The Flesh gets out to study the law of the land and Wheels freaks and speeds off, attempting to ditch The Flesh. Wheels eventually settles down, but the group cannot help but whisper their concern for Wheels' health and sanity. We pick our campsite. Baroness does her thing in the bathroom as the group spreads the sleeping bags out on the concrete picnic area in order to aviod the wet grass. Thumper and Toes take the van. Intriguing squeaks formulate visions of wild Colorado rats, musical owls, and more no-see-'em's. Shooting stars. Sleep.

August 16, 1999 Monday
Drive to Durango. River rafting on the Animas. The Big Kahuna takes a bite out of Baroness's leg. Emily, Hollie, and The Durango River Trippers are most gracious hosts. Off to the Mexican restaurant, El Patio, for meager but tasty rations and the Patio musicians. We also meet up Emily and Hollie's friend, Ben, the guitarist. Over to the San Juan Room to set up and soundcheck. Nice big room, nice soundman. Set 1: anticipation of the insurrection. Open mic guests. Set 2: From out in the alley comes Ratboy, Zizzy, and Pharilok. Gnochithon takes the front entrance. Aarrggggg!!!!! Arg Arrr? Rrrahhhh. Time. Camila.

The Flesh accidentally records over half of the Alamo DAT recording, but grabs a nice recording off the board for the San Juan Insurrection. Afterwards, we are entertained by Soundman Horror Stories. Chapter 1: a fungus that grows on rat pellots in Colorado and emits death to anyone who breathes it in and is not immune. Our loyal soundman also encouraged the developement of the Animal Insurrection confirming Durango's inner desire for the bizarre. Back to the hotel with our wet Animas River-soaked sneakers and sleep.

ANIMAL ADDITIONS:

Name: Pharilok
Instrument: Drum set
Background: Old Gailic God of Fertility

August 17, 1999 Tuesday





John Wayne Hotel. Hi String dries shoes. Downtown stop. Off to Flagstaff. Wheels in the driver's seat. Red rock diversion. Nude photo session with Toes and The Flesh. Flagstaff! Check in at the Monte Vista Lounge. Where is everybody? No flyers. Tattoo Pinto tells us he has the only good copier in town. He helps us make more flyers and postcards. Tattoo dudes chillin' out front. Bookstore. Thai food. Mac Swanky Trio. Sacramento low-down. Dr. S finds his way over to our room, where he takes an hour off our lives to share his story.

The Tale of Kolomauna

My name is Kolomauna. I live in Hawaii, where I'm a shaman, one in ten million, there's only a handful of us on the earth. I'm an ayahuasca curandero, I studied under Terence McKenna, and this guy I just did a ceremony for in Flagstaff, who was the son of the guy who owns Exxon, gave me $2200 just for tip! I initiated him into being a man, and offerred him one supernatural gift, but he couldn't take it, but he still paid me, then dropped me off here in Flagstaff. I'll go back in a couple of weeks or something. I'd rather not know where I'm going than not know where it's at. I spend about 2/3 of my time on the big island and the rest on Maui, and I own five estates throughout the islands. I'm qualified to take up to five people on a spiritual journey, and be responsible for everybody's safety. Eight,mmmm, maybe. One time I was the leader of a ceremony with twelve women, myself the only man, and I didn't touch any of them. Man, my crystal balls were blue number 5! I grew up in Flagstaff, but I don't really dig it anymore. I look into the sun here, and you know what I see? Pollution. Contamination. And I don't dig that shit, man. In Hawaii, I look in the sun, and it gives me codes. Information, man. 73268. Here in Flagstaff, none of the women will talk to me when I tell them I'm a shaman, ayahuasca curandero, man, they don't want any of that. I spent $9000 dollars in this town and what have I got? People treat me like a bum. I can't even find any drugs, man. All this smoking buds and drinking at this altitude just knocks you out. If you can get it I'll buy an eight ball of speed and one of coke right now. I got $3000 in my pocket, man. And none of the women will talk to me! Maybe you can give me some advice. Do you think I should just say I'm a dishwasher from Phoenix? What do women in bars want here, man? Should I try a different approach? I'm so tired of it all last night I went up to the three finest women in this bar and said, "So how come you haven't bought me a drink?" So one of 'em goes and gets me a beer after I give her the money, and they tell me they're lesbians. I say " Hey, I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body!" So then one asks me what I do and I tell her I'm a shaman, and she says, "So am I supposed to get down on my knees and worship you?", so I say,"I'd rather get down on my knees and drink your nectar." And she gets right up and goes to the bartender and gets me bounced, man! Out on the street with the cops coming. Man, I don't care about the cops though, man. A couple nights ago I was sitting in the jacuzzi in my room, about three blocks from here, smoking a fatty, and the cops come in, a man and a woman, and ask me what I'm doing. And I'm just like, "Who are you? This is my hotel room, and you just come in without knocking and ask me what's up?" And they left, man! When I get back to Hawaii man, and tell my tribe about that one, they'll say "Hey, man, alright, you got the mana!"

PERSONNEL ADDITIONS:

Name: Dr. S
Home: Hawaii
Profession: Shamen
Quote: "Remember, there are many parts to the pig."

August 18, 1999 Wednesday
Morning at the Monte Vista hostel and hotel. A leisurely relaxing morning and afternoon in downtown Flagstaff. Ivory motivates the Grey Ghost onto San Francisco Steet and picks up the group. We stop for drinks, a necessity in this hot Arizona sun, and head out en route to Prescott. We take the scenic path through gorgeous mountain passes and the small quaint town of Jerome. I imagine parts of Europe to look something like this town and view. A game of hack and back on the road. We pull into Prescott and Lyzzard's Lounge. We hang out in front and wait as the bar gets set up for the nights' festivities. Great pizza next door satisfies our stomaches. We meet up with Hollie and get ready for the Prescott Animal Insurrection, phase III: Ratboy carries Johnson the Rhino out as a sacrifice, Pharilok hits the stage, Zizzy LeBooga buzzes around, and Gnochithon enters from the front collecting coins for the alien pinball machine. It was nice to see Richard and Lyz dancing and smiling during the insurrection. A long second set and we close the night in good form. Toes decides to stay in Prescott and the 7-headed ALO entourage packs up and hits the road for California. Wheels drives off into the night.

August 19, 1999 Thursday
Hi String takes the wheel through Blyth and eventually hands it off to The Flesh. Sleep, awake, sleep, awake... Los Angeles. Finally arrive in Santa Barbara.